As we slip into the New Year, I want to share some reflections on some new-to-me, altered state of consciousness experiences I’ve had over the last year. Similar yet also very different from my psychedelic experiences, these have been completely legal, involving nothing more than my body and something it does naturally, almost imperceptibly, day and night: breathe.
I’ve explored Holotropic Breathwork, Neurodynamic Breathwork, and even simpler forms of conscious breathing, such as Micro-Cosmic Breathing and Circular Breathing. It’s been extraordinary to discover how healing, transformative, and even mystical these practices can be.
I’ve cried a lot, grinned a lot, and most significantly, felt extraordinary energy coursing through every cell of my being. My breath hasn’t just connected me to my body and life—it seems to connect me to the vastness of the galaxy itself. I have felt utterly made of stardust and galaxies, and connected to the people I hold most dear, both alive and departed.
Holotropic Breathwork
For my first Holotropic Breathwork session in April 2024, my intention was simple yet expansive: to open more fully to life and love and to explore what else I might do with my “one wild and precious life.” Julia appeared in many forms—at peace, as good compost nourishing those she loved, and as a source of inspiration for a family celebration I was planning.
Through this session, my trusty mantra surfaced with clarity:
- Learn: To trust the earth, life’s resilience, and nature’s will to thrive.
- Create: Ways to hold space for grief and fear.
- Contribute: Calm, wisdom, and presence in these spiralling times.
- Let Go: Fear and pain, and keep becoming good compost in my life now and when I am gone.
In a later Holotropic session, a more physical and musical metaphor emerged: I became an oak-tree-cello, grounded and resonant. Mike’s embrace supported me as I played, while Julia appeared as a baby cello nested within me. I sobbed deeply—grief, love, and longing blending into a tapestry of rich, chocolatey cello music that seemed to weave through the threads of my life.
Neurodynamic Breathwork
More recently, I’ve explored Neurodynamic Breathwork, which shares similarities with Holotropic Breathwork but has a gentler approach. Practising alone in the sanctuary of my bedroom, I’ve sensed the pulse of the entire universe course through me.
In one session, I felt kissed by galaxies and stars, a celestial energy sparkling through my being. In another, I danced among the stars, holding hands with Mike, Julia, and all my departed loved ones, whether from my life or before my birth. Mike showed up as a conductor of the cosmos, his gestures joyous and graceful. Julia danced out with the stars, and I felt part of something far greater than a mere family tree—more part of a vast web of love and relationships, nourished by the life that flows through us all. Exquisite!
Alongside my psychedelic experiences, these shorter (and completely legal!) breathwork practices remind me that love is to be shared widely and generously, embraced fully and without hesitation.
As I breathe into this New Year, I carry these intentions with me: to breathe, to live, and to love without holding back. Every few seconds, the breath reminds me to connect to the present, trust, then let go.
1st January 2025
Images by DALL.E – it really felt like this!
