Here is the second Opinion Piece in my series of Writing on Grief and Loss for Liz Hall’s Coaching At Work magazine. First published on 27th June 2025.
How does grief show up in coaching conversations, and how can we, as coaches, stay present to what’s unfolding for our clients?
In the first article, I suggested that grief is already in the room – whether acknowledged or not – though it might not be in relation to death. This piece focuses on what happens when grief is about death – when someone a client loves dearly has died, and their world has irrevocably changed.
First, let’s name what grief is – and what it isn’t. Grief is the natural, healthy response to loss. As mammals, we bond and form attachments, and when those attachments are broken, through death, for example, grief arises. It’s also, for many, a sacred experience – not just emotional or psychological but deeply spiritual. A kind of unwelcome initiation into a new way of being.
As for what grief is not – it isn’t a problem to be solved. It isn’t something to get over or push through. And it certainly isn’t linear. Grief is nonlinear, nonbinary, often paradoxical – and profoundly alive.
Some common myths about grief still persist – such as ‘time heals all wounds’, or that some losses are objectively worse than others. But grief resists hierarchy. One person’s heartbreak over the loss of a dog may be every bit as profound – or even more so – than another’s grief for a parent. What matters is the bond, not the category. Grief is relational.
Similarly, the idea of ‘stages’ – made famous by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (Kübler-Ross, 1969) – continues to linger, despite being widely misunderstood and misapplied. In reality, grief moves in waves. There’s no fixed sequence, no destination. There might be raw grief, acute grief, ongoing grief, integrated grief and sometimes, grief that opens into something else entirely. But not necessarily.
And even if it does, grief doesn’t follow a straight path.
So how can we, as coaches, meet our clients when they’re in the throes of loss? The coaching space can be a precious sanctuary for grieving clients – if we’re willing to stay present, without fixing. That means:
- More listening than usual
- More silence than usual
- Spaciousness and slowness
- Letting questions be invitations, not obligations
If you deviate from your typical coaching agenda, that’s okay – just check in gently: ‘Is this where you’d like to be today?’ or ‘Is this in support of you right now?’
It’s also okay if you, as coach, feel moved. You might find yourself with tears in your eyes – and that’s fine, so long as your emotional response doesn’t shift the burden to the client. Your presence matters more than your composure. Sometimes your emotion – especially if the client feels unable or unwilling to express much yet – may give them permission to feel more later. Or not. Both are okay.
There’s often less focus on the future in these coaching sessions. When someone close dies, the past and the present become much more central. The future may feel blank, unimaginable, impossible.
Let it be that way for a while.
Allow the client to talk about the person who died. Again and again. About who they were, what the relationship was like, what was beautiful, what was hard. Invite the story of what happened. This kind of repetition is not pathology – it’s integration. It’s honouring.
This kind of witnessing matters. According to grief expert, Christophe Fauré (Fauré, 2018), three anchoring questions can help:
- Who did you lose, and what was your relationship? The good, the bad, and the ugly are all welcome here.
- What happened? (Narrative work, especially around the death itself, is essential.)
- Where are you now – emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially, relationally?
These aren’t coaching techniques. They’re invitations to explore and honour what has been lost. And if you feel out of your depth here – that’s okay. At the very least, encourage the client to have spaces where these topics can be met and held, if not with you.
Grief looks different for everyone. Some clients may speak with ease, others not at all. Some cry, others freeze. Some want to make meaning. Others just want to survive. All of it is valid. As coaches, we don’t offer a path out of grief – we offer companionship within it.
When someone close dies, everything shifts. The past gets to be reinterpreted. The present is utterly destabilised. The future becomes bleak and unknown.
World views, values, identity, relationships – all can be upended. The client may feel like a different person, and in many ways, they are. In these moments, coaching is not about creating goals or finding silver linings. As Parker Palmer (Palmer, 1999) reminds us, “The soul doesn’t like to be advised.” Our job is to be present. To hold space for the tension, the discomfort, the not-knowing, the unravelling. To not rush past what is.
Beware of spiritual bypassing and beware ‘positive psychology 101’. Even if your client may one day find new meaning or a new equilibrium, don’t encourage them to skip the part they’re in now. Don’t rush them. This part matters. Grief is work. Hard work.Clients may also carry quiet shame – feeling they’re grieving ‘wrong’, or worrying their sorrow is a burden. Naming this with compassion can be disarming and healing in itself.
Meeting someone’s grief with full presence is likely to stir our own. If you find yourself recoiling, wanting to change the subject, or overwhelmed with emotion – that’s only human. Notice it. Be with it. And take it to supervision or therapy. You don’t need to be perfectly comfortable, but you need to be self-aware.
It’s also worth checking whether your client is receiving additional support. While grief is not a disorder, and doesn’t always require therapy, in cases of traumatic or sudden death, PTSD or complicated grief may be present – and other modalities like EMDR, somatic therapy, or even psychedelic-assisted therapy may be helpful alongside coaching. And if you feel out of your depth – refer on. That’s not a failure of your coaching. It’s wisdom in action.
As coaches, we can best support when we bring:
- More ‘being’ than ‘doing’
- More holding than guiding
- More witnessing than intervening
- This is what it means to hold space for the unfixable. This is what it means to be GriefWise.
Next issue: Grief in the context of planetary crisis – and how we might accompany clients facing ecological grief and existential uncertainty.
References
Fauré, C. (2018). Vivre Le Deuil Au Jour Le Jour. Albin Michel.
Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On death and dying. Macmillan Publishing.
Palmer, P. J. (1999). Let Your Life Speak. Jossey Bass.
About the author
Emma Pearson is an executive and systemic team coach, OD consultant, and business psychologist. She supports leaders and teams in navigating complexity, strengthening connections, and fostering cultures where both people and organisations can thrive. Loss has shaped her as much as her work. In the space of a few years, she lost one of her best friends, her youngest brother, her husband, and her teenage daughter. That depth of grief has sharpened her awareness of life’s impermanence, the urgency of living fully, and the kind of leadership we need in these times – one that is courageous, deeply human, and awake to what truly matters.
Grief – Coaching After Bereavement
