Main photo from 2016, three months before Mike’s diagnosis, Isle of Harris. Yes, she really is mid-air.

Yesterday I hosted the inaugural Mortal Leader One Day Experience. But this post is not about that. I had chosen 30^th March intentionally as the day for the first session simply because it was Julia’s birthday. Had she lived, she’d have been 22, and not perpetually 15.

It felt like a suitable honouring of her. I’ll write more about the One Day Experience soon, but for now, I want to write about Julia.

I have been hunting high and low for the piece of writing I wrote the day she was born. For each of the kids I have a “Birth Story” – written in the first 24 or so hours after their births. They were each printed off and placed in their “Treasure box”, the place where the hospital birth bracelet, first pair of shoes, cards, trinkets and whatever other valuables were deemed precious, initially according to mine or Mike’s criteria, and in time the child’s own.

I cannot find Julia’s treasure box, and I feel such mounting distress. I can picture it. It’s blue and silver. The piece of writing I want is no longer to be found on my laptop or hard drives, but I know a hard copy will be in the box. I want to find it but cannot. It should be in the room where I keep some of her belongings – special clothes, photos, some of her make-up. Why isn’t it there? I have hunted in other places too. Nowhere to be found.

I know how to hold this distress. The desperate wanting to find someone, something you love, and they or it just not being there. I have years of practice at this now, but it never gets easier. It’s forever sickening.

What I have found are some of Julia’s own writing that she did for ENP – English National Programme. They are so sweet.

I want to share a few. Each came with a picture Julia had painted or drawn. Also in the Treasure Box, so currently unfindable. But for now, these will have to do.

Black – the Christmas Dog

Once upon a time there was a dog called Black.  Black was as black as night.  Black lived in a family.  Every day, Black would wake up, stretch, shake his body, wipe his eyes with his paws and start his day.  Everyone was greeted cheerfully as they came down the stairs, with Black swishing his tail like mad.  He loved to be scratched and tickled and often lay on his back, with his paws stretched out, looking a little like a chicken ready to be tied up before going in the oven!

Black loved his life.  He got to go on walks twice a day – at least!  He also had a garden to play in.  There was just one little problem with his life.  When he went on his walks, he sometimes came across a dog called Pic who was quite nasty to him.  Pic would growl at Black, and sometimes even bite his tail!  Black was very scared, and the bites hurt him a lot.  Black was generally a happy dog and all dogs liked him except for this one.  He couldn’t understand and wanted to make friends with Pic but Pic didn’t seem to understand.

On Christmas day, Black woke up early and did his usual stretching, shaking and cleaning.  He was really happy because there were even more people to tickle and scratch him!  He also got some presents.  Funnily, it wasn’t the presents that interested him most, but the wrapping paper.  He also liked the Christmas tree and spent time tugging at the tinsel.  When it was time to go on a walk, Black went to the Christmas tree and tugged again at the tinsel.  Some of it fell away from the tree – along with some of the ornaments – which he ignored, of course!  He wrapped the tinsel around himself and went off on his walk.

When Black saw Pic, for once Pic stopped in his tracks.  He didn’t come close, he didn’t try to bite him – he even started to walk away backwards.  What was this strange, glittery dog coming towards him?  Black called out to Pic and said “don’t be afraid!  I would like us to be friends.  I don’t like it when you bite my tail.  If you stop biting me, I will give you some of my tinsel”.  Pic agreed, and took some of the tinsel by biting the tinsel off.  Black even gave him a little more.  “Now we can be like twins, or best friends”, said Black.

Black and Pic walked back to Black’s house together, said Merry Christmas to each other, and went their separate ways, looking forward to the special dinner they would get that day.

Julia Kemp, 22 December 2012 – (aged 8)

 

Julia’s Coat of Arms
CE2 Assembly 

I am Julia, and I would like to present my Coat of Arms to you.

It has a bizarre-looking cat on it  – it’s a hunting cat.

The purple background represents energy.  I am so super-energetic, my mother STILL hasn’t found the “off switch” on me!

The blue background represents courage.  I just turned nine years old, and I STILL haven’t found anything to be scared of!

During the 2012-2013 school year – (aged 9)

Fearless indeed. This photo is from 2011 so she’d have been 7 or 8.

Matilda, by Roald Dahl
(book review)

“Matilda” is a girl whose parents are not at all usual.  They always want their daughter and son to watch TV.  They have their dinner in front of the telly!  The parents call Matilda really rude things like, “you’re an ignorant little squirt”!  In fact, Matilda is really clever.

When Matilda starts school, the headmistress, Miss Trunchbull, is also very mean and nasty.  But Miss Honey, her teacher, is really kind and sweet.  She is very poor, but supports Matilda.

During the story, we read about how Matilda plays tricks on her parents to get back at them for being worser than worse!  She gains special powers which help Miss Honey have a better life.  Matilda also gets a better life.  Read the book to find out more!

Julia Kemp, 30 May 2013 (aged 9)

 

Where did she go, that little girl? That bundle of life, energy, enthusiasm and spunk.
I don’t know.

Summer 2016, Isle of Harris and Lewis

I heard today from a former neighbour whose elder daughter is now the age Julia was when she died. She left me a tender note saying how conscious she is now of this connection. There was a time I couldn’t bear to be around adolescents of the age Julia was when she died. It’s become a little easier over the years, but it’s still hard. Whether 15 or 22, or anything in between – it will always bring up a lot.

So be it.

Julia, you were well-honoured on your 22^nd birthday. So many people remember you well. You touched many people’s lives, and I continue to hear from them.

Thank you Julia Grace for gracing our lives for as long as you could. You will always be our baby duck.